Wednesday, January 09, 2008


I think Im going to go see a plastic surgeon, start smoking, and wear fur, P.E.strip, and crocs! I've been harping on about these things on CFUN for over a year now and no one is listening! I give up - if you cant beat em join em!

The other day in Holt Renfrew I saw a young woman in cut-off sweat pants with "JUICY", splashed across her ass, a wife beater with a black bra, flipflops, and a Louie Vitton purse. What is the world coming to?! I pine for the days of fine tailoring! I think I should change my moniker from "The Fashion Assassin" to "Bitchy McBitcherson" - all I ever do is BITCH! I want to change my tune, but it's hard with people like Lindsay Lohan running around sporting the "I forgot my pants" look - you know, that shirt over tights thing! That's all she ever wears. And I promised myself that I would not even mention Britney...but how can I not when her clothing choices are so hideous! Is she some sort of genius or Svengali that has us all hypnotized? Will it be another year of watching Paris and those dreadful Trollsen Twins? Or that up-and-coming disaster, potato-faced Rumor Willis?

It was a terrible year for fashion - I hated it all, and I blame people like me, and all the celebrity stylists who turned nice girls into tramps. I'm talking to you Rachel Zoe (who is getting her own show)! It's hard to get excited about fashion when the powers that be tell us romper suits are big for spring - just the name makes me want to hurl! I can't wait to see all the big grown up gals in their romper suits. And more Baby Doll dresses...Yuck! Grow up! Why would you wear anything called Baby?

I guess I am on a fashion bummer. The big thing was the Spice girls in Roberto Cavalli - I thought they looked dumb - Posh was popping out all over! And what's with the writers Golden Globes! - What am I supposed to report on, the picket lines? I have heard there may not be an Oscar red carpet for 2008! Maybe it is the apocalypse! Great, and we all won't have a thing to wear!

Who will be my muse for the new year? I love the way Katie Holmes dresses, but I just can't get past that Scientology thing. There's a rumor going around that she was impregnated with L. Ron Hubbard's sperm! - just like Rosemary's baby! I used to adore Goldie Hawn, but every time I see a picture of her it seems she's wearing fur. Maybe we have to look to the past, because the future of fashion is grim. But does that mean we have to dig up Audrey and Marilyn and the like? No, I think I will really go back...way back... before fashion and fellow eccentric genius Vivian Westwood, and make my muses Wilma Flintstone and the timeless Betty Rubble!

There are so many things I don't want to see in 2008, like tattoos, and that that store-bought rock star "mock star" look. You know, Chris Angel Mind Freak and that trashy Dita Von Ink or Kat Von Teese or whatever her name is! I want Mariah to put on a shirt and wear something else besides a tube. But my biggest wish is to see the end of the celebrity designer. No more vulgar outfits from Beyonce's "House of Derriere". No more Sean John Puffy Diddy Daddy crap. No more "Stuff by Duff" or lousy t-shirts from Sienna Miller. These people are not designers ..they cant even thread a needle!

Wow I feel a lot better..Bitching really is good for you!

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